Read Showcase Presents: Green Lantern, Vol. 1 by John Broome Free Online
Book Title: Showcase Presents: Green Lantern, Vol. 1|
The author of the book: John Broome
Edition: DC Comics
Date of issue: October 1st 2005
ISBN 13: 9781401207595
Format files: PDF
The size of the: 1.86 MB
City - Country: No data
Loaded: 2375 times
Reader ratings: 5.2
Read full description of the books:
Let's face it, nobody gives a fuck about this review.
A) It's Green Lantern
B) It's from 1961
So why did I read all 558 pages of this mammoth black and white hunk of shitty nostalgia?
I basically made a deal with the devil.
For the purposes of this review JEFF is the devil.
I'm not even sure how it started, but somehow he conned me into a twisted bet. The terms of the bet were this:
If I couldn't get a picture of myself harassing a character (view spoiler)[ kicking Prince Charming in the junk, punching a Princess in the gut...etc. (hide spoiler)] while on my family's Disney vacation, I'd have to read a black and white Showcase Presents: Green Lantern.
FAMILY VACATION. Seriously?
Naturally, there was no way I could actually physically harm some poor shlub in a costume.
Instead, through an incredible covert mission too top-secret to go into, I managed to procure this picture...
Normal people would say, 'Good enough, Anne', and leave it at that. Jeff is not a normal person. He is a being of incredible evil.
Instead, he said,
'Is that a statue? Pffft. Start reading, sucker!'
So here's your review, you bastard!
What did I learn about the first incarnation of Hal Jordan?
I learned that Eskimos make loyal sidekicks!
"...his pal, Pieface the Eskimo grease-monkey..."
Awesome! Not insulting on ANY level!
I learned that Carol Ferris was originally an idiot.
Sure, she was running a multi-million dollar company. But luckily, all she really wanted was to marry the Green Lantern!
Two big Thumbs Up for that!
I learned that beneath Hal Jordan's fearlessness was the heart of a lion, and the brain of a mentally challenged chimp.
Anything yellow could be thrown at him with devastating results.
Got a yellow #2 pencil?
Annnnd he's out...
Because his TRUE weakness isn't YELLOW.
It's the inability to duck.
I learned that it's not necessary to come up with names for weaponry.
"Tank-like vehicles...armed with super-scientific weapons!"
Because it's not always easy to invent classy monikers like the dreaded MENTO-RAY!
I learned that it might not be the best idea to shove your Galactic Super-Powered ring in your pants. It will inevitably fall out, due to the ginormous holes in your pocket. Don't worry GL, your Eskimo pal can give you some advice to help with that little problem!
"That's what you need, Hal--A wife! If you had one you wouldn't have buttons hanging by a thread!
Your wife would darn and sew for you--take care of you!"
Or, you know, you could just stop being a dumbass, and keep it on your fucking finger. Whatever works best.
I learned that bald men, men with a widow's peak, and men with bushy eyebrows are always evil.
But I already knew that one...
I learned that evil men have an inborn need to create elaborate death traps, and then monologue till you can escape.
You will be powerless to escape, as my Tank-O-Death slowly fills with yellow (not pink) LEMONADE!
But while we wait, let me explain my evil plans for world domination in elaborate detail...
Damn. Now that's realism, bitches!
Most of all, I learned that Jeff is Satan's middle name.
You have been warned!
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